I Double Dog Dare Me

Last night I did something that I have never done before. I went to a party. Alone. Where I knew no one. At least not in real life.

One of my favorite websites is The Hairpin. It’s a site (mostly) for and (mostly) by ladies, with posts on topics ranging from the wild-eyed Kate Middleton doll to spiders to how to get stains out of stuff. And sometimes, there are makeup tutorials! And recipes! (Usually for sweets and cocktails. Perfect!) But it’s not lady-mag lady-writing. It’s smart and it’s funny and it kind of keeps me from going crazy.

For most of my adult life, I’ve worked in an office, and have had really great “friends from work”. I still maintain some of those friendships today. But for the past few years, on a daily basis, it’s just been me. In my home office. With my computer. And my cat. I used to spend a lot of time on Facebook, just to have some sort of human interaction. But that kind of got old. When I found The Hairpin, I was very excited to have a source of daily entertainment, and even better, cool people to talk to.

I started commenting on articles featured on The Hairpin, (because if I have nothing else, I have my opinions!) and over time, I got to “know” my fellow commenters. Soon after I started reading, there was a The Awl & The Hairpin meet-up (The Awl is the guy/general-interest sibling of The Hairpin.) But there was NO WAY I was going to that. The internet is an amazing thing, offering community and anonymity at the same time. I planned to keep it that way.

Six or so months later, they announced a meet-up for The Hairpin, promising booze and cake. At this point, I’d sort of made imaginary friends with some of the other commenters, and was interested in meeting them IRL. Still, going to a party alone, where you don’t know anyone. It’s just not the kind of thing I do. I don’t even really like “people.” Sometimes I stay home just because it’s raining. I already have plenty of real life friends, why put myself into this awkward situation?

So while I was interested, I was sort of nervous about actually going. I voiced my thoughts in the comments, and people from The Hairpin community very sweetly encouraged me to go. They wanted to meet me. So I promised I would come.

It’s kind of what I imagine internet dating to be like. I knew these people online, but had never met any of them IRL. As an added bonus, I had no clue what any of them looked like, in order to recognize them and start a conversation. Through the comments, I begged for nametags, and learned we would be able to label ourselves with our screen names, so we could recognize each other.

When the night of the party finally arrived, it was sort of like getting ready for a blind date. What kind of a first impression would I make? I realized I could be whoever I wanted to be, since no one who actually knows me would be there. But really, I’m pretty happy being me, so I just had to decide how fancy I was going to get. I figured, it’s a party, for ladies, with cake, in Manhattan. Maybe I’ll wear a dress? Ultimately, I ended up going with the same shit I always wear. Stripey shirt, black jeans, red boots. I fancied it up a little with a cool necklace. I thought I should just be comfortable since it was already going to be a highly uncomfortable situation. Plus, it’s been so rainy.

As it turned out, I ended up not having as much time to get ready as I wanted and I didn’t even have time to do my hair. Luckily, a high bun is kind of in fashion right now, because that’s what we got! Stupid diet got in the way again, because I had to make sure I ate before I left in order to avoid drunk tacos or something afterward. Plus, I didn’t want to get wasted from two drinks. So before I went, I made myself a turkey burger and salad. AND I had a whole-wheat “sandwich thin” roll thingie with my turkey burger. First time I had bread in eleven days! I was in too big of a rush to really enjoy it though.

When I got out of the train, I felt like I was on a dare. I had a really hard time keeping a straight face as I walked to the bar. Thank God I managed to pull it together by the time I got there, because I'm sure I looked ridiculous trying to not crack up, alone, walking down the street. When I got to the bar, I saw a big crowd in the back and decided to get myself a drink before I took the plunge. For some reason the male bartender was IGNORING ME. I patiently waited as he served the other people at the bar, then did a bunch of busy work, then served a bunch of people who had come up after me, then did a bunch MORE busy work before I finally got his attention. Already nervous, and then I gotta deal with this! Finally, I got my drink and went to the back room where the party was happening.

First of all, I thought there would be maybe 25 people there, but the room was packed! It turns out some kind of theater group was having a thing there too, so it was super crowded. And I knew NO ONE. I saw a table where the nametags were, and made my way over. It seemed like people were using their real names, as opposed to their screen names, so I was confused. How was I supposed to recognize anyone? Someone told me I could just put both names on there, and that’s what I did.

Then my tasks were over. I had gotten my drink. I had made my nametag. Now I was just at a bar,  alone, with nothing to do. I started trying to find people I “knew” but, as I said, a lot of people just had regular names on their tags. Plus, it was crowded, which made mingling difficult. Eventually, after squinting at everyone’s chests for a while, I managed to find a small cluster of names I recognized, so I went up and said hi. They recognized me too,  and finally, I could relax a little. They told me that the dude bartender had also ignored them, so that made me feel better. Perhaps he was being a dick so the rest of us would have something to talk about?

A little at a time, I came across more names I recognized, and people recognized me too. Someone even told me I was one of the two people they were most interested in meeting, which was really flattering! I got to meet the editor, Edith, and some of the contributors, like Jane. They had “celebrity” status but were super sweet and friendly. Everyone was so cool, and funny, and awesome, and nice. There is a total love-fest going on in the comments of the party recap post right now. I will definitely go to the next Hairpin meetup, and it will be a little easier next time. I’m really glad I worked up the courage to go out last night. It was so totally worth it!