October 5, 2012

Rules For An Awesome Nail Salon

  1. Provide a wide array of slightly dried out and/or separated polishes.
  2. Manicurists should not allow customers to interrupt their conversations with each other, nor should they allow proximity to each other to limit conversation. That’s what shouting is for.
  3. Use well-worn paper nail files aggressively.
    Avoid fine-grit boards if possible.
  4. Always use ambiguously clean tools, with gusto!
  5. If manicurists are not with a customer, they should stand around eating loudly and talking more loudly.
  6. Have a rice cooker cooking rice, somewhere.
    Make sure aroma is evident.
  7. Instruct employees to wash vegetables in the hand sink. (Recommended: Broccoli)
  8. Allow manicurists to take personal phone calls while working on customer’s nails. Extra points if conversation is during polish portion of manicure.
  9. Make sure there are no magazines anywhere.
  10. Always try to include at least three misspelling per sign.
  11. It should take no less than four rounds under the dryer to dry thick layers of polish.
  12. All chairs should be uncomfortable, with torn vinyl and stains where applicable. 
In case you were wondering, it was $8, and probably worth it.
(Assuming I didn't catch nail herpes.)

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