May Birchbox

Birchbox is early this month! AND it’s a special Gossip Girl Birchbox. I actually don’t know anything about Gossip Girl, but sometimes they film in my neighborhood and I have to cross the street.

Other than that, I only know what I have picked up from the occasional magazine mention or ad. Here is what I have gathered: They are a bunch of either extraordinarily mature teenagers, or early-twenty-somethings, that were born rich and live in NYC. You could describe each character with one or more of these words: bitch, snob, backstabber, douchebag, jackass, frenemy, and/or “sensitive.” Many of them are very attractive, yet some are unattractive in their supposed attractiveness. Oh, and one of the actresses is Blake Lively and there is something about her character and headbands. I think. Was she in that movie about traveling pants? I didn’t see that either, but I wish it was about time-traveling pants.

Is that in any way accurate? This should be an interesting Birch Box!



Algenist Firming & Lifting Cream
“Looking your age is so overrated” says the card. No it’s not? That doesn’t make any sense! No one ever says “It’s really, like, super-great to look your actual age.” That’s not a thing. Unless it’s a thing on the show? Gossip Girl Birch Box, you’re already confuuuuusinnnng meeeeee!

Dior Diorshow Extase
This promises tons of volume and length, plus ceremides to fortify your lashes. This is relevant to my interests! One point awarded to Gossip Girl Birchbox.

Dior Miss Dior Eau de Parfum
You know how I feel about perfume samples, but this one actually smells nice. Very girly, but I think I can probably still get away with it. This month’s tiny atomizer has been spared the trashcan.

Kerastase Age Premium Bain Substantif
This shampoo is meant to fortify hair against damage, since it has UV filters and hyaluronic acid. It sounds pretty good, but they describe it as “action packed” which makes me think the Scrubbing Bubbles are in there. (Sooo not French!)

Kerastase Age Premium Masque Substantif
Deep conditioning treatment to match the shampoo, though without the claim of being “action packed.”

Notecard
This thing is a total waste of paper. I’m never going to send someone a notecard that has the same quality as those annoying BRCs that fall out of magazines. And I am definitely, definitely not going to buy a set of 12 of them for $10. Seriously?! Good luck with that.

There is also a Gossip Girl trivia card, which, hahahhahahaha. Oh, it’s a contest/sweepstakes! “What is the significant piece of jewelry that Bart gives to Chuck?” Hmm. An anklet, I bet. Either that, or trucknutz. (Which would have to be some sort of a trick question.) I should enter; I’d totally win.

So here is the thing about this Birchbox. It’s based on a show about young people, but all the stuff is for… oldness. I guess the Miss Dior and the Diorshow mascara are youthful, but the other stuff is definitely for people who are losing their youth. I am wondering now if Birchbox knows my age and made a special box for me. (This is actually quite possible, though not made specifically for ME, but for my demographic.) I mean, I do think these are good samples to send me, I just don’t get the Gossip Girl tie in. Are they obsessed with anti-aging products? Are these products supposed to make us look more Gossip Girl-y? But wait, don’t they all look old for the age they are supposed to be on the show? The card says something about a black tie ball, but… I don’t get it! It is a pretty good Birchbox though.